Cook in the Car

Setup: I let Cook sit in the front seat of the van on the way home from school today, which he knows is illegal.

What he said: "Don't worry, mom. If the cops stop us, I'll just tell them I'm a teenager midget."

Creep People Out

Cookie (casually): Hey, mom. sometimes I rearrange things to creep people out.
Me: Like who?
Cookie: Like Grandma Peggy.
Me (mock sternly): Cookie, what did you do?
 Cookie: I rearranged her cats. (He cackles diabolically.)

The No Cookie Song

Fat People Cool People

In the car, with neither lead-up nor follow-up. Just a freestanding comment, and I quote:

"Mom, did you know that fat people actually have a better chance of being cool than skinny people?"

End quote.